This is something being heard by increasing numbers of women around the world when their husband comes home from work: "Guess what honey! We're moving to ________ for the next three years. Sure the "come along" spouse is sometimes a man, but most often it is a woman. She may have a good job, one or two kids and a great support system at home which may include parents to help with juggling the responsibilities.
When an upwardly mobile employee from an international company gets the opportunity to take on new responsibilities and get new experiences with an overseas assignment, he is likely to come home seeing only the benefits.
But the wife may have to put her career on hold as she makes a new home in another country, helps the children to get settled in a new life and a new school, all without the friends and family that have been so valuable to her physical and emotional existence. And in the vast majority of cases, she does it all with little or no complaint because she wants to be a supportive wife.
But in at least 20% of expat families, the dissatisfaction in their new environment by one or more family members causes the assignment to be cut short at the employee's request so that the family can regain their equilibrium back home. These early returns are not good for the expat's career. The company will have spent considerable money relocating the employee and his family. And now the employee is blamed for his failure to make the assignment a success.
So why is it so hard for the accompanying spouse? For many, this comes at a time when the spouse is just returning to her career after being absent with the birth of children. Now she must move to another country where she will surely have too much to do for the family for approximately four months. She may still not be able to land a job because of lack of language skills or professional certifications and licenses. For those willing to seek employment (with the right visa privileges), check out my blog post at https://www.herbnestler.com/blog/2018/6/7/expat-spouse-employment
But the childless spouse may face an even more difficult situation - isolation in her new surroundings. Children provide an opportunity for their parents to become acquainted with other parents. For the non-working, childless spouse, shyness, social ineptness and language limitations might hinder them for making new friends. What can they do to make new friends:
Invite neighbors to a Sunday open house
Join a fitness club or yoga program
Pursue new skills at a community adult course in photography, art or computer skills, just to name a few.
Volunteer at a local school, hospital or elder care facility
Pursue education in your career field at a community college
Join an expat organization like Internations and meet others in a similar situation to yours. See my list at https://www.herbnestler.com/expatlife/
The most difficult time for most families is three to four month after moving. At first everything is new and exciting. You are too busy to feel homesick. But once you have handled the urgent matters of the move (usually 3-4 months), it is normal to miss the things you left behind like relatives, friends, favorite foods and so on. The name for this delayed depression is called culture shock. But the good news is that if you don’t overreact, you will adjust over the following three months.
The important thing is not to wait for these things to come to you. Whatever your interests, use the Internet to find opportunities and get involved.