One of the most terrible experiences I ever had in my work was one day when one of my staff members came into my office crying because she had just learned that her brother, who had gone boating on a small nearby lake, had disappeared and rescuers were searching for him. For two hours she sat in my office and we spoke very little. I told her that I could not imagine what she must be feeling as she waited to get news of what happened to her brother. Finally, the news arrived and it was the worst imaginable. Her brother had drowned. A colleague who was also her friend drove her home.
After she left, I reflected on what else I might have done for her during the wait. The answer, I have come to understand, was that there was nothing else I could have done. I showed empathy and that was what she needed — to know that people cared.
Dr Brené Brown explores the difference between sympathy and empathy, and why the former can be destructive in times of crisis. Her short video produced at the Royal Society for the Encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce is a great lesson for us all.
-Herb