This blog has addressed many aspects of body language in the past, the importance it can play in interpersonal communication and the different meanings that some kinds of body language in different cultures. Today I would like to focus on smiles and tell you a story from my diary of a global traveler which might bring a smile to your face.
An American female friend of mine who was working in Germany came to me one day with a rather surprising question. She asked if I thought she looked like a prostitute. “Absolutely not. What would prompt such a question?”, I said. She explained that when she walked down the street in Berlin where she was working, she would occasionally be approached by a man suggesting that he would be interested in such a relationship with her. She couldn’t imagine what would be encouraging him to make such a proposition since it never happened in America. She wondered if Germans were more inclined to make such inquiries.
After a moment’s thought I realized what was going on. In many parts of the United States it is normal to smile at perfect strangers whom you meet on the street. It represents friendliness but nothing more. When I asked her if she might be unconsciously doing that when she walked down the streets of Berlin, she allowed as how that was probably the case. We had an interesting discussion about how Germans, who are generally more distant in their relationships with people they do not know, often prefer to avoid eye contact or any other signs of recognition when they pass a stranger on the street. Her smile may well have been interpreted as some form of invitation.
Body language is a subtle but powerful communicator. Nervous fidgeting with the hands during the presentation may suggest not only your lack of confidence in your rhetorical skills but perhaps also lack of conviction about the topics you are discussing. In the south of Europe people stand much closer together than they do in the north and often touch more. Kissing on the cheeks is still quite common between men and women in business situations in some European countries but not in others. Certain gestures or body language may be quite offensive. For example in Singapore you should never touch a person on top of the head.
Another great author and speaker on the important subject of nonverbal communication is Allan Pease, (use our search window at the bottom of the page for other information about Pease) who with his wife Barbara help their readers to understand how to read the body language of others and how to avoid sending nonverbal messages you don’t want to send.
Considering how different one language is from another, it is quite surprising to me how few differences there are in body language across cultures. German readers of the works of Samy Molcho (also worth making a search of this site) will find everything he explains to be applicable in the English-speaking world as well.
Get your body language under control and you’ll be surprised at how much more you will be seen as having the solutions to the problems in your environment. Be careful to avoid incongruence.
Herb