People who know me have no trouble identifying me as an introvert. But I am always amused that when I am discussing personality with a seminar group and ask them to guess whether I am introverted or extraverted, they always say with confidence that I am most assuredly an extravert.

The reason is obvious. They see me leading a group (them). I am not being shy or quiet or reserved, all characteristics that are associated with introverted behavior. While this is not wrong, these characteristics describe the introvert in a social situation. When introverts have a clear role to play, they can function with confidence, strength and enjoy the spotlight. Many famous actors are introverts. If you have ever seen Robert DeNiro interviewed about himself rather than the character he may be playing in his current movie, you see his introverted side. He often looks uncomfortable and gives short answers which make for uninteresting interview shows. But ask him to go “into character” and talk as that character and suddenly a totally different behavior emerges.

The great psychologist Carl Jung is credited with giving us the modern definitions of introversion and extraversion. Myers and Briggs came along and created an instrument to help us understand them better, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. According to Myers and Briggs, people who prefer introversion:

Are drawn to the inner world of thoughts and ideas
Think to talk (as opposed to extroverts who talk to think)
Focus in depth on their interests
Are often private and contained, sharing their personal thoughts with few people

So what does it mean to me to be an introvert?

I need quiet time to reflect on important topics
At a noisy party, I’ll be in a quiet corner talking intensely with one person all evening
When someone suggests that I sit down with them and draft something together, that seems unproductive to me. Let’s decide what part I will draft ON MY OWN and what part you will draft. Then we can come together to share and coordinate.
I pride myself on being a good listener. I can reflect intensely while you are talking so long as you stick to the subject.
But I am not shy. In fact, I love the spotlight. I love being in control.
I was an only child growing up and do not regret the absence of siblings.

I even remember as a child often preferring to visit the home of some neighbor couples who were childless where I learned from them about music, amateur radio, etc. My play with other children most frequently took the form of focusing on some activity with one or at most two other friends.

My friend Hanna Simmons (an extravert) sent me a link to a TED Talk video by Susan Cain, author of The Power of Introverts. I found it fascinating.

Cain began by observing that 1/3 to ½ of the people on this planet are introverts, yet our modern world seems to favor extraverted behavior.

I loved it when she postulated that solitude matters. That got me thinking about my belief that nobody should ever be ridiculed when caught staring out a window. This apparent daydreaming may be important reflection time when an introvert assimilates data and draws conclusions.

It is interesting to me that several of my extraverted friends and colleagues take week-long silent retreats where they go to a monastery or other place of contemplation for time away from distractions to become centered and to rejuvenate. As an introvert I don’t feel a need to do that because I have small silent retreats many times every week for short periods.

I share Susan’s call to give people the freedom to be themselves, even when it means some of them may not want to always do their work like a team sport.

You can watch Susan’s TED Talk at http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

How do you experience your introversion or extraversion? Drop a comment below. And please share the link to this blog with others who may find it interesting.

- Herb

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